Lady Truth Isn't Always Pretty

If you are a man about to read this – you may want to stop right now. This edition is laced with lady truths and they ain’t pretty. However, this might prove insightful for men because this is what your lady love is dealing with each and every day so buy her some flowers!

If you are a woman, under the age of 45, then you must read this because I am about to get real – really real – and it aint’ pretty. I am pulling back the veil for you – my much younger friend. I am here for you. You, in all of your sweet innocent ideals of how gracefully you will age, love yourself now. Love yourself now. I remember when I thought like you but then I turned 47 and all heck has broken loose.

Hair: I have been enhancing my natural hair color for many years. My mom was prematurely grey and she kindly passed that trait on to me (and I gift it to you my sweet children). But now portions of my hair are building a resistance to the coloring. My stylist Kyle is AWESOME but he is merely a man. He can not change the force of which my pigmently challenged follicles are springing forth. Every five weeks I am in his chair BEGGING for a break through in hair color science (I mean come on smart science guys get on this!).

The gray hair is bad but it doesn’t compare to the amounts of hair I appear to be loosing in the shower everyday. I am no smart science guy but even I know that it is only a matter of time before my economic supply and demand for hair will turn unbalanced. I do not feel this is fair and it makes me mad at my hair. Really angry!

Gray hair may stink and loosing hair may suck but what the heck is happening to my face. A few months ago I woke up to see a 13 year old boy in my mirror’s reflection (you get the idea.). Let me just state, I couldn’t dial the salon’s number fast enough – this was now a job for professionals.

Hips: I am finished with my birthing years but my hips apparently have not been informed. My hips continue to spread like the Texas flatlands. No matter how much weight I lose or how many squats I do, those bones are never going to come together again.

Heat: Cherish the cold chills you are feeling sweet young ladies. My internal thermostat is providing me with daily foreshadowing of what is yet to come. “That’s Hot” has a less appealing definition now that I am 47!

Wrinkles: I felt I was ahead of the game in this arena, I really did! After all, I always wore my sunglasses as I basked in the sun for most of my teens and twenties. Umm, warm restful days in the sun – bronzing my body (and face) all natural like, just the way God intended. But as we all know, pride comes before the fall. Recently I awoke to find a full map of major highways and county access roads surrounding my eyes. I am ashamed to confess that I have actually considered Botox. I would have already done it but I am having a hard time getting past the fact that Botox is poison. Poison and a needle near my eye – just enough creep factors to keep me wrinkled.

Keegles: If you have had or plan to have children, you better heed these words . . Keegles 3 times a day – set of 10 each time. Make this a part of your everyday routine for the rest of your life. Trust me on this, for I do not lie, you will thank me when you can freely run, jump, cough, or laugh! Trust me.

These truths will not be found in a magazine. They will not be shared by your close friends. They will not be found in journals or diaries. These are the things we never talk about but I am . . . I am spreading the truth. You know I feel enlighten, free, joyful - like a young woman again.

Assignment: Keegles, Sunscreen, and a Healthy lifestyle will provide you with a strong foundation as you age. Love yourself and learn to laugh at the changes you will experience. It makes life much easier!