Ichthus

When Maddy was first diagnosed with cancer, we were in the hospital from July 20 till October 12, 2004. That first week home, we made it nearly a week before she experienced complications that sent us quickly back to the hospital. I have to confess I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and more than discouraged. There might have been a little self-pity tossed in too, I can’t remember.

What I can remember is on my day “off” from the hospital, I walked into a tattoo studio for a little encouragement. I asked for a small fish to be tattooed to my left hand. I am not sure how much of this was an act of impulse or a deep need for a lasting mark of this journey; a remembrance.

Now five years later, this sign of Christ continues to be an active reminder that I am not alone. I am surprised at how many times people will notice this small sign. I often get “is that real” or “I see that you are a Believer” but there are times when I am asked what it means. I am thankful for those moments. I am thankful that God provides me with the right words to share in those moments. I am thankful for the growing courage I am finding as those moments present themselves. I am thankful for all that our family learned about faith during Maddy’s journey. I am thankful that I am not alone in this world.

Assignment: During this Advent Season let your heart be open to the many blessings, great and small, that occur in your life. Remember Christmas as your sign that you are never alone.

Road Rage Rant

It is Tuesday during a holiday week and if tonight’s drive is foreshadowing of what I will experience tomorrow then it is my duty to make this public service announcement. During my highway commute I hit my brakes more times that a student driver inching toward a stop sign for the first time. I am doing this in attempt to keep the roads safer for all of us. Plus, this is my blog and I will rant if I want to.

Let me begin be reminding everyone that the left lane on a highway is a passing lane. It is not, nor has it ever been, intended for cars to travel on for the length of their journey. If you are on the highway and you begin to notice cars passing you from the right, then it is time to turn off your phone, pull out your ear buds and shake yourself from slumber because you are IN THE WRONG LANE!

Next I will focus on the safety of stranded drivers. If you are approaching a car that has broken down on the side of the highway you must make every effort to give that car a wide berth. The last time I had a flat tire I feared for the tow truck driver’s life because the cars did not move or slow down. Seriously, move over!

For everyone who is trying to conserve gas by driving 55 on the highway, I am happy to inform you the minimum speed limit is actually 60 so ramp that engine up five more notches. I also ask you to be aware of the traffic around you. If the lane behind you is turning into a parking lot, please accelerate for a mile or two so cars can navigate past you safely. Come on, you can splurge on the possible $2.70 this speed will cost you! Do it for me. If you are in the left lane driving 60 MPH or less – then you need to take a pair of scissors to your license immediately.

Just so you don’t start thinking I am a lead foot, I want to say a few words to those of you who feel you need to ride my bumper. Do you notice that I am in the left lane passing the same car you want to pass? Do you think I am doing this to irritate you and that I will not return to the right lane? Didn’t you see me move from the right lane to the left? Relax; soon you can travel too fast to get to your destination. I love when we end up at the same place just a few seconds from each other. Don’t you feel foolish when that happens?

Lane weavers, please see those who select to ride my bumper. We always end up at the same red light together. Thanks for risking everyone life getting there.

Finally, just in case the weather changes for the worse. I want to address all of the redneck wannabes, the weekend cowboys, and those who believe SUV means Superior. Ultimate. Vehicle. Each snow or ice storm I see you race past the lane of cars that I am in and ultimately that line of cars ends up passing you when your truck is laying on its side off the road. Worse are the times you take other cars out with you. I know you want to be home, so do I. Please just assess the weather conditions and drive appropriately.

Okay, I feel better now. Thinking of this blog allowed me to defuse my building road rage. Thanks for listening.

Assignment: If you are on US31, I96, or 96 tomorrow during rush hour remember, I will be too. Drive safe and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Family Time

I proclaim it Mandatory Family Time!

Mandatory Family Time (MFT) must only be used in extreme cases. If called upon too frequently the power of this ruling becomes diluted and the impact is greatly decreased. To evoke MFT, a mom must be fully prepared face some resistance. A mom must remember to stay true to the ruling – do not wavier – for the promise of a favorable outcome waits.

One of the most common times for a MFT is end of the school year. I like to plan a long weekend get away for our family. We target places that are within a day drive (8 -10 hours maximum) that I have always wanted to visit. It is important to remember, the MFT is not something a family willingly enters into so you have to establish full control. I generally state: “We can go here and do this OR we can go there and do that”. I allow them to decide but I always have choices from which they may select. Left to their own accord, we would do nothing.

The ultimate goal for a MFT is to remove children from the roles they feel they need to play at school and with their friends. It is the gift of release after a highly stressful time. The MFT allows a brother and sister time to reconnect, in a car, during a long drive. It allows a brother and sister time to reconnect, because they have no friends to hang out with at the hotel or in some cases, a Bed and Breakfast. It allows a brother and sister time to doing geeky, childish things that they secretly enjoy but their friends would never want to do (visit a zoo, museum, ride Maid of Mist or do a ‘ghost’ walking tour).

Success can be measured in the drive home. If a brother and sisters are laughing, whispering, and generally ganging up on their poor defenseless parents – the mission has been successful. The brother and sister have bonded again. As an added benefit, all of the confined time together allows parents a chance to explore the young adults their children are growing into. So far, so good – we like who are children are becoming!

Earlier this week I used my maternal power to call a rare, one day only: Mandatory Family Time. Our family is so busy with school, sports, work, and extra curricular activities that we are not able to have a weekday meal together. Over time, the stress on our family manifests into selfishness. We stop thinking of each other as a family because we are too focused on our own personal albatross (this reference is an English Literature test for the reader). This is a clear indicator that a MFT is needed.

So we spent yesterday (Saturday) together as a family. We went to a movie together (and let recent driver’s training graduate Maddy drive us there!) At the end of the night everyone was telling stories and sharing a little bit about their life. We were talking and the MFT was a success!

Assignment: Google English Literature and Albatross to find the poem I am referencing.

A promise is a promise

I am not going to say it was easy because it wasn’t. I am not going write that it was fun because that would be a lie. But a promise is a promise even if it is one you make to yourself.

Yesterday Tom and I began our workouts again. I have played the “for better or worse” card to talk him into being my workout buddy. I am counting on him to keep me moving on those dark, cold nights when my excuse list seems to have a life of its own. After all, someone in this family has to take responsibility, show a commitment, or at least harbor a primal desire not to have a ‘grabber’ by the age of sixty! I am inherently lazy so you are not going to find those character traits in me – so I am outsourcing this job to Tom. He has the shoulders for it. He will get it done.

Tom and I - The day after . . .do you like my cute pink warm-up? Me too!

When we woke this morning our limbs were aching but our competitive nature and healthy level of vanity will not be outdone by a few aches and pains. We will get healthy . . .. . or die trying.

Assignment: Ugh, I hate to even write it but get up and get moving!

Radio

A few months ago my satellite radio stopped working. Because of my disintegrating short-term memory this only presented a problem twice a day; going to and coming home from work. Once I finally reached my destination it was as if I hadn’t a care in the world and as a result I never got the radio fixed.

Being a ‘glass half-full’ kind of gal I found this a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with local radio. The morning shows could be cheeky plus I was able to listen to area news and traffic reports. Coming home was a bit more challenging but in the spirit of supporting the local efforts – I drove on! I have heard that advertising is suffering because of satellite radio and MP3 Players but I think it is doing very well in Western Michigan. I heard a lot of commercials and many of them run over and over again. However, that frequent advertising rotation has NOTHING on the replay of songs on local radio.

I am not a music snob. I am ecliptic in my taste. I can butcher the words to a Britney song just as easily as an Eagles or Beatles tune. But I do not understand why stations play the same song so many times each day. Plus, after a month, those cheeky morning shows – not so cheeky or funny or fresh. After a month of radio I had a clearer understanding of why road rage happens.

So now I listen to books. This is a doubly good treat because it means a bi-weekly trip to the local library. When the story is good I don’t want the drive to end. When the story is slow I think how happy I am not to be physically reading it. I get to experiment with books I would never find time to read before bed. Plus, I get to have a story read to me. I love having stories read aloud! Most recently I am listening to a book that debuted this summer, Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie. I am on the 7th of 8 disks and I am looking forward to my commute in the morning to hear how it all turns out.

At this rate, I figure I have about three more months of library books before I have to remember to write myself a note to get my satellite radio fixed.

Assignment: Support your local library!

Treadmill

My excuse for being lazy is coming to an end. We have ordered a replacement piece for our treadmill. The part will be here this week and my workouts are to begin again on Saturday.

How bittersweet these past two months have been. I have a million excuses for being lazy. In my career there has been a fundraiser that involved many extra hours devoted to work. In my health there has been a sick mom, husband, children, and myself. In my social schedule there have been places to go and people to see. I can team these excuses with the cold and rainy weather and the daylight savings program to provide even more reasons why I simply can’t workout. My laziness has been sweet. I am well past the guilty feelings that have motivated in the past so the lack of physical activity is coming very easily to me now.

But the bitterness is starting to show. Soft limbs that jiggle and shake when I move are starting to gross me out. I have given up the dream of the lean body of my youth but that jiggle has got to go. I have no illusions; my shape will remain round but a firmer round and one that does not require a whole new wardrobe. Plus, 2010 brings with it an annual doctors appointment, a class reunion, and a summer wedding so it is time for excuses to end. The treadmill part will be here this week and Saturday I begin my workouts again.

Assignment: Help me stop the excuses.

Economic Trend

There appears to be a growing trend in the employment world. I am not speaking of the nation’s double digit unemployment announcement today – highest since 1983. In 1983, I was working at minimum wage job for a bakery. I was too young and innocent (oblivious) to what the nation was feeling. I was pregnant with my second child (scratch the word innocent from the previous sentence) and the sweet smells from the bakery at 5:00 A.M were my biggest worry. Sweet is not a good morning smell. The smell was topped only by the gooey, sticky mess of sugar that would form an adhesive bond between the cinnamon rolls and the pan each morning. Don’t worry about it. With time I got over that queasy feeling – donuts are my friends again.

I am not even speaking about Michigan being at the top of that unemployment heap. Can’t you feel all the residents in California lift their collective head a little higher today? No matter how badly California seems to be doing – hell, no matter how badly all the other states may be doing . . . . they can join together in relief and proudly chant, “We’re not Michigan, We’re not Michigan!” That’s nice of us don’t you think? I also think I may have taken many liberal punctuations with that sentence but I like the effect so I am keeping it.

What I am talking about is the growing lack of respect employers are bestowing upon their employees. It is completely illogical for me to think that employers would belittle, intimidate, discredit, or insult their employees during such a hurtful time in our nation. I know too many people who spend 9-5 as walking dead. They go into work, seek out a small sliver of happiness in whatever form it might come, and spend the rest of their day over-worked and underappreciated.

The difficult thing to process is that these are intelligent people who do good work. These are the types of people you want to work with and want working for you. These are the type of people that businesses, in good times, would hold out for because they are dedicated and responsible. If this were only one or two people – that I personally know – then I would just write it off as a bad work match. But there are too many people in this position.

I am sure that many reading this are thinking “just be glad you have a job” and you are right. These folks know that too and that is why they take it – because being in a bad relationship is more comfortable than being alone. In a bad relationship you know what to expect. You don’t like it and it sucks the life out of you but it is better than the fear of uncertainty.

Assignment: We might not be able stimulate the economy but we can stimulate happiness. Find something positive to say to each of your co-workers today. Change this economic trend!

Halloween Bonus

As promised, I have stories about my children and I am not afraid to use them. Please note: in order to tell this story I must incriminate Tom and I as being parents who sometimes do not fully think things through.

When Jess, now 23, was in middle school she and her friend wanted to go the local haunted corn maze. Being a fan of Halloween I quickly agreed. Not only did I agree but I thought this a great family bonding experience. So Tom, Jess, Jess’ friend and I took Andy and Maddy (who I estimate were age 6 & 7 at the time) out for the night.

We went to a local farm that, as it turns out, was infamous for the Halloween adventures it provided. We found there were two lines; the shorter less frightening and the longer, get your full dollars worth of fright. Obviously we selected the longer and better scare value for our dollar. We stood in line for a long time – laughing to keep our nerves at bay. Andy, who generally is a talkative child, was quite. As our turn grew closer he started asking questions about how scary this might be. Full time good parents would notice this as a sign – what can I say?

Confidently we assured him that it would NOT be that scary. We had been through many a haunted house and maze – each generally lame but a lot of fun. We entered the maze with the normal amount of fun filled fear but things suddenly grew grim. The set-ups were surprisingly real: the mad scientist looked like he was performing an operation, the mummy was aged to perfection – ladies and gentlemen, this was not your neighborhood haunted corn maze. Jess, her friend, and Maddy soon began to cling to each other and then to me. Tom took up the rear with Andy close to his side.

And then it happened. The man with the change saw jumped out behind us and started for Andy. He took off in a full sprint only to be cut off by a second man with a chain saw. In a full panic, Andy quickly turned and started running back to Tom. You know in the movies when the main character is being chased and they fall to the ground in fear? Well, I can attest that this is based on true accounts. Andy hit the ground spread eagle. He quickly jumped up and ran to his daddy. He never stopped until he reached the top of Tom’s head.

There we were in the middle of the haunted corn maze. The girls were screaming. Andy was perched on top of Tom’s head like a monkey clinging to a coconut tree. Tom and I were frozen in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes. We quickly plucked Andy down so Tom could carry him as we ran through the rest of the maze announcing “No, we are sure it will not be scary any more” warning the actors in front of us that we had a panic stricken child in tow.

I feel badly about this story for a few reasons: 1) We totally ruined the maze for the people behind us, 2) Andy to this day does not like haunted houses, and 3) just thinking about it makes me laugh out loud and hard. Sorry Andy!

Assignment: Laugh!

Halloween Plans Part Two

A day full of Tricks and Treats . . .

The mood was similar to Christmas morning, my Halloween plans were a plenty and I needed to get an early start. I went downstairs to learn that our house was the target of a Devil’s Night prank. We had been TP’ed and our cars were sporting holiday appropriate orange ribbons. Our children have told us that this is a sign of popularity because only friends do this to other friend’s homes. I am now on a personal campaign to end most of their friendships. I think I can do it – I have stories!

The weather was another foe trying to upend my perfect Halloween plans. If I were to write, “It was a dark and stormy morning” I don’t think I would be underplaying the magnitude of the weather we were experiencing. Plus, that sets the tone for a chillingly good Halloween story so that is where we will begin . . . . .

Megan and Brian Dressed Up As Parents this year

It was a dark and stormy morning, and soon our house would be invaded by children. Megan and Brian borrowed all of the nephews and nieces in the family and drove them up for the morning. The original plan was a hands-on trip to the near by farmer market. We would pick out pumpkins, visit the petting barn, bother Andy while he tried to work, and take a couple of spins on the Boo-Train. Perfect entertainment for the 5 children under the age of 7 coming to our home at 9:00 AM! But the weather had other plans – and was the second trick of the day.

If nothing else, I am pretty fast on my feet so an improvised change took place. We had donuts and cider around the table. We then painted miniature pumpkins. Then the most peculiar thing occurred. The children lined up by size and formed a Conga Line complete with the official Conga Line “da-ta, da-ta, da-da” song and dance around the house. I have no idea where this came from but it was hilarious. Why do we have to out-grow things like this? The world would be a much better place if we could just spontaneously break out in song or dance. People would join in – I am sure of it.

After this group left we had some down time before our neighbors were expected for their scheduled Trick or Treat Stop! By the way, thanks Marge, Amy and Lisa for giving me this gift!




Josie, Ellie, Brooke and Zack stop in for a visit and Treats

We also had a surprise visit from Maddy and her friends on their way to a Halloween Party.

Maddy and Friends

Then after all small children we nestled in their beds with visions of costumes dancing in their heads, it was grown-up time. Our friends Susie and Brian came over for a late meal and a lot of talk about football.

Susie and Brian

Plans complete – my needs had been met on all levels: family, friends, food, and fun. This truly was the third best Halloween idea I have ever had!

Assignment: I dare you to form a Conga Line today!