Halloween Part One
I am happy. I am very, very, very happy and I am going to tell you why. A few weeks ago I had one of my best “too old to be a new mom – too young to be a grandmother” ideas. Our youngest children are officially too old to go Trick or Treating. My husband, while I love him, is anti-Halloween (I know, WHAT??). Therefore, I am the one that once again suffers for the love of my family.
But not this year! I had a vision, a revelation, yes - an epiphany! I have neighbors with small children. Neighbors with small children who will be excited to dress up and have their loving mommy and daddy take them into town to venture house-to-house for candy. The best part, these neighbors have to drive right past my house! (Editor Note: I live in the county and my first neighbor is a mile away).
Quickly, before this manifestation faded to the task at hand (I am sure it was either doing work or driving to/from work) I made contact with my young neighbors and asked, pleaded, and yes, begged them into promising to stop by my house so I can coddle their costume clad children. I have made goodie bags with special treats in them. Treats so different from what the other homes will be giving – I am sure to win some special refrigerator art from these grateful young ones. Why hadn’t I thought of before?
Clearly I was on a role with greatness. Perhaps I was having my finest Halloween idea since putting together the prize winning Carol Burnett Cleaning Lady costume in sixth grade or doing a reverse Trick or Treat when Maddy was undergoing Chemo and couldn’t go outside (people brought her candy when they stopped by our house). Yes, this clearly was becoming my third best Halloween idea – EVER. Not satisfied with my perfect plan to entice young children to my home (Is that wrong?) – I allowed my dream to continue to grow and the results are going to be OUTSTANDING. But more on that later . .
Your Assignment: If the fun has left your Halloween – make plans
A HARD WAY TO LEARN: Even at 50, life is still trying to teach me lessons.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Mid-Life
Forty-Seven. Forty. Seven. FORTY-SEVEN!
I have this image of who I am and it is seriously conflicting with what I see in the mirror’s reflection. I am not (necessarily) talking about the gray hair or the 15-20 pounds I need to lose. No, this is much more than those first visible signs of age. I have been dealing with those issues for so long they are now a part of who I am.
I am talking about little things. My body shape is changing. I see the reflection bouncing off the office door as I approach each morning. I don’t know what happens in that hour drive but by the time I get to work I am no longer the super mega-cute, stylish person who left the house. I have wide-child bearing hips, massive breasts, and I am the shape of round. Even if I do lose the recommended BMI 15-20 lbs . . . I am still going to be round.
I am noticing that I am often the oldest person in the room. I can remember when I was the youngest office employee hired into my first company. I was HOT! Okay, maybe not hot really, but I was fit, healthy, and attractive. I was at the peak of my physical self and I am sure I found fault in myself every day. What an idiot! Men looked at me. Admittedly I thought they were just being nice but let me tell you – now that they are NOT LOOKING I realize that they once were and I miss it. Still an idiot! Do you know what I mean?
I worry about things I once believed would never happen to me – never even considered. My clock is ticking – but this time it is a mad rush to pay off the mortgage so we can own our home before we retire. There have been days in the past month when my husband and mom were sick – and I worried about being alone . . . really alone in this world. We have children in high school and children who are out in the world living. Was I a good enough mom that they will want to stay connected to me while they are out there finding their own way? Did we prepare them for all that they will be facing? I am sure there are things I could have done better . . . .
Wow, this is taking an ugly turn but that is middle age isn’t it. It is a time when we know enough about life to take a self inventory yet we are still young enough to have hope for a change in our future. We have spent the first 20 years of our life living for our parents, the second 20 living for our children, and now we have to introduce ourselves at functions – as our self. We no longer can rely on our youthful appearance, youthful optimism, or youthful arrogance. As my mom would say, we are young enough to get in trouble but old enough to know better. No wonder they label it a crisis!
Assignment: I want to thank you for the outpouring of Birthday support. The cards and warm wishes touched me deeply. It was really nice to know that you cared enough to express your love because as you have read – this was a sad little self-pity of a birthday for me. Continue share that love with people in your life. You never know when it will be the tipping point a person needs.
I have this image of who I am and it is seriously conflicting with what I see in the mirror’s reflection. I am not (necessarily) talking about the gray hair or the 15-20 pounds I need to lose. No, this is much more than those first visible signs of age. I have been dealing with those issues for so long they are now a part of who I am.
I am talking about little things. My body shape is changing. I see the reflection bouncing off the office door as I approach each morning. I don’t know what happens in that hour drive but by the time I get to work I am no longer the super mega-cute, stylish person who left the house. I have wide-child bearing hips, massive breasts, and I am the shape of round. Even if I do lose the recommended BMI 15-20 lbs . . . I am still going to be round.
I am noticing that I am often the oldest person in the room. I can remember when I was the youngest office employee hired into my first company. I was HOT! Okay, maybe not hot really, but I was fit, healthy, and attractive. I was at the peak of my physical self and I am sure I found fault in myself every day. What an idiot! Men looked at me. Admittedly I thought they were just being nice but let me tell you – now that they are NOT LOOKING I realize that they once were and I miss it. Still an idiot! Do you know what I mean?
I worry about things I once believed would never happen to me – never even considered. My clock is ticking – but this time it is a mad rush to pay off the mortgage so we can own our home before we retire. There have been days in the past month when my husband and mom were sick – and I worried about being alone . . . really alone in this world. We have children in high school and children who are out in the world living. Was I a good enough mom that they will want to stay connected to me while they are out there finding their own way? Did we prepare them for all that they will be facing? I am sure there are things I could have done better . . . .
Wow, this is taking an ugly turn but that is middle age isn’t it. It is a time when we know enough about life to take a self inventory yet we are still young enough to have hope for a change in our future. We have spent the first 20 years of our life living for our parents, the second 20 living for our children, and now we have to introduce ourselves at functions – as our self. We no longer can rely on our youthful appearance, youthful optimism, or youthful arrogance. As my mom would say, we are young enough to get in trouble but old enough to know better. No wonder they label it a crisis!
Assignment: I want to thank you for the outpouring of Birthday support. The cards and warm wishes touched me deeply. It was really nice to know that you cared enough to express your love because as you have read – this was a sad little self-pity of a birthday for me. Continue share that love with people in your life. You never know when it will be the tipping point a person needs.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Silence
My voice has been silent. It is hard to fight the lazy feeling that comes with cool weather, gray skies, and early nightfalls. I am working on setting the new routines that come with fall. Things are happening in my life but my voice remains silent. I hope I find it again soon.
Assignment: Help me find my voice.
Assignment: Help me find my voice.
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